Jazz Hands everyone!

I’m dying to discuss my first dance class at Crunch Gym. I know you may not be interested in the breakdown but this is the only time I will write about it, as I will soon become a dancing tool with the inability to see what I saw last night. Luci is also in Lake Placid so there is nothing at Apartment 9 to really report on.


Some brief background may help you understand why I am taking this class. Over the past few months I have been following the journey of 20 talented dancers from the show So You Think You Can Dance. My sister actually got me into this junk and after the cancer dance of last season I was hooked.
Cancer Dance (actual name)

I almost stopped watching when Molly got kicked off but I really liked Kathryn too so I finished the season. There are now only two things that make me cry on television:

1. the closing scene to every episode of Gossip Girl when B and C have a moment

and anything hip hop from SYTYCD Kathryn and Russell do HipHop

So now after months of sneaking SYTYCD while Luci is in the shower, I have finally decided to unleash my inner dancer. If I hadn’t danced as a child I may not be so confident to do this but I figured dance at Crunch can’t be that serious. I had even inquired about bringing my shoes, as I didn’t want to walk in with my Cappezzio hip hop shoes looking like a tool. Put it this way, I should have brought the shoes as they would have at least made me look like a dancer.

I enter the class, music is already blasting and I honestly could not distinguish my teacher from the front row stacked with people who were twisting and turning, contorting their bodies into moves reminiscent of the 90's. I tried to imitate them or rather intimidate them with my own twisting but this proved to be a bad move based on my performance following our stretch. The teacher got right into things as if we had all been to the class 20 times. There is not much to say about him other than the basics: he was gay, he was loud and he was good. He actually thanked the class for walking 5 blocks which lead me to believe he actually taught at some special NYU studio or something. In attempt to learn a new routine in an hour, after being absent from class for 10 years, I followed the crowd.

The 5 People I Can Still Remember Last Night.

The boy directly in front of me was a blonde version of the male to the left, only wearing a red t shirt that exposed his belly button. I felt uncomfortable dancing close to him, as I could almost see his libido peeping out from under his shirt. He was very animated much like my least favorite dancer Jacob of SYTYCD. I all honesty he intimidated me the most, as he was gay and I just knew his gay thoughts were criticizing my every move.

The stumpy looking Asian boy in the front was definitely the best to watch visually and technically. He had probably learned the dance the night before at my instructor's apartment which was why the chosen song included words like "I want to rub your body" and "I want to caress you where it’s naughty" Of course in true stumpy male Asian form he did not look sexy imitating these moves.

Next to Asia was a Caucasian girl built like a softball player. I wondered what she was doing in the front but I assumed she was just ambitious. Then she slapped 10 with my instructor to indicate to the rest of us she meant business. She too caught onto the dance right away but I wish she had come in wearing something more suitable for sexy funk. I watched the words TEAMWORK scroll across her ass as she pumped and gyrated to the over sexed song.

In the far corner of the room where things looked really sweaty was a skinny black girl who had lost her shirt half way through the routine. She was good but I knew this before we even started the class. She reeked of funk with a hot pink hoodie, seriously comfy dance pants and Nike airs. I like to think I look black when I dance but she was black which insured an 80% chance that she would dominate all of us.

Behind me, which was totally unfortunate because I only got to really watch her when we were in groups, was a 60 something year old woman. I noticed her lack of hip hop flair right away when she walked in with tights, leg warmers, and nude colored leotard. I was happy when she stood next to me, with confidence she would make me look good. Bad choice because she put me to shame. She was absolutely a dancer who, unlike me, was just adding to her class schedule by trying something new. She was a real inspiration and the reason I am going back for Hip Hop class tonight.